Emily talks about the masks we Good Girls wear, the masks of nice, bubbly, likable, attractive, strong. We hide behind smiles and laid back personalities. If you ask us how we are doing we say fine or good. We work hard to meet what we perceive is your expectation of us. "I moved through life hiding behind the good and lived out the mess in secret. I taught people around me that I had no needs and then was secretly angry with them for believing me."
I was thinking about all of this as I was working in my yard. On the cover of the book there is a bird cage, with the door open, and the bird sitting free outside.
Isn't this how we Good Girls go about life? Hiding behind our smiles, fearful that if anyone finds out the truth we might be rejected or thought of as needy. "Good girls aren't needy, they are needed. And so instead of living free I live safe." It is also easier, and here are the lines that really convicted me today as I worked and read: "And just like people who struggle with emotional eating or excessive exercise or any other type of addiction, I recognize my addiction to wanting to be left alone, I am addicted to the island of myself. The longer I hide behind fine, the easier it is to convince myself I am fine."
And so today, I began judiciously trimming back some of my wall, letting others see more of the real me, mess and all. Hopefully like the bird on the cover I will find my freedom too. Stay tuned, I will write more next week as I follow my rules and clean out a closet in-between chapters!
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